after meeting, i have realized, i don’t trust anyone. i still think life’s going to fuck me . Again. god, everytime i try to be happy about something, i try to believe in something and make it work, when i put my trust on someone, i’m always the one who is screwed over, and who is losing. I’m fed up of this. 

I still believe in that notion but right now, I can’t feel the love and i can’t feel the long term happiness. If i let myself go in believing fairy tales, i’ll be fucked up again, and no thanks, i don’t need this. I am not ready and i’m too scared of the pain. none of us are. I’m afraid of letting myself go.